Doing the right thing

Why does doing the right thing hurt so bad?

Why do I always end up on the losing in end?

Shouldn't I come first at least once in awhile?

Why must I make all the sacrifices? 

When is it my turn to smile?

I do what is right in the eyes of the Lord.

I do what is right by the laws of the land.

I try my hardest to follow all of their commands.

I lift up my neighbors and my fellow man.

I try to do the best that I can.

I know this world doesn't revolve around me.

The sun doesn't shine out of my eyes.

I am nothing special, and never will be.

I just wish doing the right thing was easy.

rain on a sunny day

Sitting here crying on the inside
smiling on the outside
trying to be the good girl everyone expects me to be
the pain and fear I hide inside
would kill most, or make them lose their mind
my nightmares don't stop when I open my eyes
one day fades into the next with no end in sight

What did I do to deserve this life?
Was I not good enough?
Am I not good enough?
Can I ever be good enough?

childhood sucked could not wait to grow up
should never have bought into their lies
straight As in school
obeyed the golden rule
took the long way home
was the designated driver kept everyone safe
hid the signs of abuse to stop his fall from grace

What did I do to deserve this life?
Was I not good enough?
Am I not good enough?
Can I ever be good enough?

got married for reasons other than love
agreed to carry his child
best gift of my life, my little boy
things got tough
his love wasn't enough
sought comfort in the arms of another
it was not meant to be no love for me

What did I do to deserve this life?
Was I not good enough?
Am I not good enough?
Can I not be good enough?

years of stress and pain have taken their toll on my body
 am now just a shell of the person I used to be
I no longer can do the things that used to bring me joy
friends have all faded into the background
I can no longer work for gainful employment or enjoyment
so as I sit her crying inside
I see rain on a sunny day!